May 2021

 

It’s May of 2021 - this year has thus far been one of the best years I have had in a while. Why? Because I am enabling myself to live my best life. Throughout the years I have committed myself to making sure I acquire a Bachelor Degree and a job that will support my future. I accomplished both last year. However, the sacrifices I had to make in order to accomplish these required not living my best life. Throughout the years, I was very sensitive to criticism and was constantly making sure my family and friends were proud of me. I was enabling others to control the way I lived my life, instead of doing whatever made me happy. I was constantly stressed about a lot of things, because I am a natural worrier and I overthink. I avoided making mistakes and strive to be a perfectionist, I avoided taking risks because I felt it would ruin the reputation of my name. I required validation in order to feel I did something “good”. These are a result of childhood traumas and toxic people that I have allowed to exist in my life.

 

Before this year started, I made a commitment to myself. I want to live my best life, no matter what it may be or where it will take me. I am making decisions that I feel are necessary for my personal growth as a human being. I am experiencing things I have not before, for this allows me to identify what works and doesn’t work for me. We often forget that we are living here on earth to “experience” life and not take it for granted or have regrets. I want to make memories with my family, friends, and strangers. I want to connect with people that are in the same spiritual journey as I am. I want to focus on the things and people that matter to me, I want to be happy - because I owe myself that.

 

I know each person I have connected with throughout the years has a different “version” of me. I understand that sometimes you may miss or want the “version” that you knew of me back, whatever that may be. However, change is part of life. I am constantly working on being the best version of myself than I was yesterday. I cannot be the person I was before today, because I am proud of the person that I have become. I have faced a lot of challenges in my life to get to where I am today. I don’t know if you can understand where I am coming from, but I hope you do. Life challenges do change a persons’ character.

 

With that in mind -

-For once, I want to put myself first

-I am aware of what I am doing

-I am open to new experiences

-I want to enjoy the little things

-I am embracing change

-Do not tell me how to live my life

-Learn to accept the person I have become

-Removing toxic people from my life

-No longer tolerating the bullshit of others

-I want to make memories

-I want to be happy with my life